A friend recently said something that made me start thinking about how much we say to each other that is not completely honest or truthful.

In an attempt to avoid hurting someone we hide our true feelings. But in doing so, how can we truly be friends if we aren’t 100% honest and truthful with each other?

About two weeks ago, my husband and I had a discussion about this exact subject and I realized that he is the only person in my life that I am completely honest with. My mom is the next person with whom I am the most honest.

In looking at that, I realized that the more honest and truthful I am with a person, the closer my connection is with that person.

Now that I’m writing this down, it all seems to be common sense, but it’s something I’ve just now really started to think about.

I have so many friends and family members with whom I would like to say are close, but they really aren’t unless I can be truthful with, and around, them. And with many, I feel like I can’t be truthful because we aren’t close enough.

Now that I’ve said that, it makes me wonder which comes first. The truthfulness or the closeness? Or both? It seems like they are intrinsically linked. That you can’t have one without the other.

Recently I’ve been wanting to be more honest and truthful with everyone I interact with. Especially to create closer bonds with the people in my life. My friend has noticed this, but has interpreted it as not being more open, but instead as just more disagreeable.

She recently stated something to the effect of whether or not she was really the kind of person that I wanted to be friends with. (Well, actually, it was just in reference to her Twitter feed, but I felt something in the tone of her reply that I think still applies in the general sense.)

The answer is yes. But I don’t think we can be friends on the level I would like.

I hadn’t thought about it much until she mentioned it, but I’m starting to wonder if we have been tip toeing around each other so much that our true selves are too different to continue to grow any closer as friends.

I wish it wasn’t the case, but I think that maybe I shouldn’t push the matter and just keep our friendship at a “superficial” level.

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Updated to add a clarification that I thought needed to be added to be truthful to my readers, specifically to the friend I refer to, considering this post is about honesty and truthfulness.

In writing my post about meditation I realized that it is likely my poor posture that is making my back hurt.

Anyone who knows me, in fact even those who don’t, knows that I have horrible posture. Just take one look at me and you can tell. I hate the fact that I slouch, but I’ve been doing it for so long now that I don’t even realize that I’m doing it. The only times I notice are when I see my reflection, or I see myself in picures, in which case I can’t do anything about it at that point (except for the fact that I’m probably slouching while looking at the photo).

It all began at the young age of 10 or 11 when I hit puberty and shot up to the height of 5′9″ almost overnight. Concurrently, I grew size 34C breasts and, being a shy girl to begin with, the new looks from guys a full head shorter than me didn’t help any. So what could I do? The only thing I could think of; I began to slouch in order to try to hide my figure and tall stature.

It didn’t work, but I still did it. And now I tend to look like a slob due to my “hunchback,” as my husband calls it, and my back muscles aren’t strong enough to stand or sit with good posture for any length of time. It sucks. If I could go back about twenty years and choose to be happy with myself rather than embarassed, I would.

So, a note to all you growing girls out there, slouching does not make you look less tall or less busty. Really. No matter what you may think. It just makes you look dumpy and screws up your back. DON’T DO IT!

I went to see the Sex and the City movie last night with a friend. Here are my thoughts:

It was much better than I had expected, considering some of the reviews I had read. I did have a few issues with the pacing because it seemed like they rushed through bits of the story. But overall it was a good movie.

There were plenty of tear jerker moments as well as moments that made me laugh out loud. They actually timed it really well in that regard. Just when you think you might be close to shedding a tear, they hit you in your funny bone.

The main thing I realized was that I don’t get the appeal of fashion labels nor the appeal of current fashion in general. I have no clue why people spend hundreds of dollars on something that is really ugly. If the only reason you get something is to flaunt the fact that you own a certain designer’s stuff then there is something wrong.

Does anyone really think this looks good?:

There’s a segment where Carrie is shown in a bunch of designer wedding dresses. My friend commented on a bunch of them, saying things such as “Oh that’s beautiful” or “Pretty” while I was cringing and shaking my head wondering how anyone could market this stuff. There wasn’t one that I would be caught dead in, as a wedding dress at least. There was one that I thought might be a cute party/club dress, but my friend thought it was pretty hideous (at least I’m guessing that’s what her “Eww” meant).

At least the rest of the theater agreed with me when it came to Carrie’s headdress. When they saw the ridiculous blue bird plastered to her head practially the entire audience laughed at her. But maybe they meant for it to be funny. I doubt it though.

However, I do have to say that I usually like about 80% of the stuff that Carrie wears (I can’t say the same for the rest of the girls). I like this dress, although I would never wear it:

And one last thing, if your going to show some guy naked… Please have it be someone attractive. I was not impressed by Samantha’s neighbor.

I’ve been writing a lot of fiction lately (well, a lot for me) and I’ve been realizing that I prefer to write in longhand rather than on the computer.

Writing on the computer is nice because that’s ultimately where I want my story to end up, so if I write it on the computer I don’t have to later transcribe it. But, writing on the computer makes it much easier to go back and edit things. That may sound like a good thing, but for me it’s the kiss of death.

When using a word processor I find myself just writing the gist of things rather than what I really want to say, telling myself that I can easily go back later and fill in the details. But that’s the thing, I never go back, so sections of my story are anemic. Sure, I could fix that in a second draft, but by then it’s likely that I will have forgotten the ideas and feelings I originally wanted to evoke. Also, if the reason I put off sections is because I found them too boring to write, then they are likely too boring to read and they should have been cut out in the first place. The problem is that sometimes those scenes are pivotal to other later action and I end up not knowing how to fix it when editing. I don’t want to excise the stuff, but I don’t know how to make it exciting. When I write longhand, I get it all out right then and there. I have to. There’s no room to squeeze it in later like there is on a computer. And if it’s too boring a read at that moment I have to find a way to fix it, at that moment.

I also like the freedom pen and paper allows me. I’m not tied to the computer. I can sit wherever I like. One of these days, when it’s nice, I really want to get outside and do some writing. I think that would be really nice. I always seem to get the best ideas when I’m sitting outside.

I also just love using pen and paper. I don’t know what it is about the feel of paper under hand, but it makes writing so much easier. The words just flow out of me, whereas when I sit down in front of a computer I immediately feel blocked.

Anyone else feel the same way as I do?

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Oh… Sitting here writing this while husband watches TV, I just realized another benefit of using paper: You don’t get dirty looks for typing too loudly.

I’ve never viewed myself as a feminist, but this morning when I read Larry Lehmer’s blog post “Think it’s a man’s world? Think again,” I was immediately annoyed by his ending statement:

A world without men will do much more than upset the genealogical order of mankind. Car oil will go unchanged, bugs will go unkilled, sports will go unwatched and Viagra will go untaken.

As if women can’t be mechanics, touch insects, or be athletes. (I’ll ignore the Viagra comment.)

Then I thought about it some more. Playing the Devil’s advocate, and agreeing with him that women can’t do any of those things…

If those are the only things we lose if men weren’t around: non-electric cars, a world where insects are killed just for living near us, and where regularly scheduled programs are preempted in order to view people kicking/hitting/throwing a ball/puck around (okay, so I am one of those women who think sports are highly overrated), then I can’t say we do need men around.

On a different, but slightly related, note…

I’ve been reading some of Richard Scarry’s stories to my daughter recently, and I noticed a character named Frances. She is a female rabbit that is the town’s mechanic, fixing everyone else’s broken items. I keep waiting for a comedic point in the story that shows she isn’t as capable as we thought she was, and she needs a “man’s” help, but that never happens (at least in the stories I’ve read). That’s nice. It’s not often that I see a children’s book with a female character doing a “man’s job” and being successful. Especially when that book was written when I was a child.

I haven’t posted anything for a while, but not for a lack of doing anything. I’m currently writing a pretty big blog post that I will post on Thursday and I’m getting dangerously behind on my genealogy book (what’s new?), so I’ve been working my butt off to get it back on track. Hopefully I can get at least three more chapters completely finished by the end of this weekend. They are on track to be finished, but the way things are going, something will likely pop up.

Also, many other personal and family things have happened recently and I’m just a little overwhelmed at the moment. I don’t want to go into details, but these things might change my whole outlook on life (in a good way), and thereby change the frequency of my blog posting. When I started this blog I hoped to post something at least every other day, but right now, I’m thinking that I will be happy if I end up posting something once a week.

Miscellaneous things:

We all went outside today and while daughter played in the yard, Joe and I did some much needed landscaping. I fought with a bunch of grape vines that were trying to kill our dogwood tree. I’ve cut down those damn vines every year, but they still keep coming back. And they grow so fast. The tree has already lost a pretty significant limb from the vine’s strangle hold. We also removed 5 (or 6?) pine trees from the edge of our property. They were getting way too big and invading our neighbor’s yard. I’m surprised no one had complained about them yet. We still have a couple more trees that need removed. One, a mulberry, is actually starting to grow around the neighbor’s fence. Tomorrow’s task will be bundling the branches to go out with the trash. That’s not gonna be fun.

I think our daughter is having a growth spurt. The past few days she’s actually eating (she’s really picky about her food) and sleeping about 16 hours each day. Normally she only sleeps 10-13 hours each day.

I just know there’s more I want to say, but I probably won’t remember it until I post this. It always happens like that, right?

Oh yeah… I’ve been trying to pare down my Hiveminder tasks for a long time now and nothing has really worked, but tonight I think I really did some good work on that front. Very few of my tasks have set due dates so I wasn’t putting anything in the due date field, but I think without the due date field filled in it really limits the site’s usage. I also don’t think I was using the “hide until” field properly either, but now I think I should only have 5 or so tasks popping up instead of the 1-2 pages of stuff like before. There’s nothing so frustrating as something I have to organize everyday that is supposed to help me stay organized. We’ll see in the next few days if I’ve fixed it.

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Update:

ALL my time spent on Hiveminder last night might have been for naught.  I forgot to change the “heads up” entry to 0 instead of 1, so I still have quite a few items on my to-do list that I don’t want to see yet.  Now I need to go back in at some point and change them all to 0.  Boo. 

A few days ago I went out to do some chores, grocery shopping, running to the library, etc., and I drove past a local motel. This motel is infamous for renting rooms by the hour.

Turning into the parking lot was a BMW followed by a Lexus.

Now I can think of a couple perfectly good reasons for why people with these types of cars would be turning into this motel’s parking lot, however, the one that stands out in my mind is that they are probably having an affair. They drive to this rundown place because it’s somewhere they can go where they won’t be seen by anyone they know. Problem with that is they stand out to people they don’t know, like me.

But now here’s the real question…

What does that say about me when there are other reasons they might go there (perhaps they are the owners of the motel and they choose to spend their money on cars rather than motel upkeep, or they aren’t from around here and chose this motel because they were uninformed when picking a place to stay), but I choose to think they are having an affair? **Ponders**